Shadow & Memory
by sarahbearalove
Summary: Memories haunt The Doctor's mind late one night as he thinks back to the most precious thing he has ever lost.


_**Author:** Sarah Minehart_

_**Type:** One-Shot_

_**Summary:** The Doctor is having trouble sleeping ever since his final and incomplete farewell with one Rose Tyler. _

_**Disclaimer:** All rights to Doctor Who go to BBC. I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim ownership._

_**A/N: **(I just wanted to see what The Doctor point of view was on losing her again. This snippet is REALLY brief and probably very underdeveloped. Maybe one day I'll touch back up on it, but for now, it's out of my head. So, it's fine :) )_

He watches the moment replay behind his eyelids. Over and over again. The earnest look in her eyes. His inability to answer her one and last desperate question. His stifling fear of her never being happy if he were to speak. Every emotion soaring through him, fizzing, clotting, and suffocating him. The same gaze being turned to his duplicate. His human shade. His shadow. Their lips come together. He thinks he might scream.

_Rose._

He springs up with a gasp. The echo of her name bouncing off the walls of his sore mind caused him to collapse his head into his hands. The memories. The words. Her voice. Her eyes. They haunted him. Day and night. He never slept regularly. Though, after yesterday's turn of events, he couldn't even catch an hour. It was ruining him.

Roughly, The Doctor wiped at his eyes, not letting the stray tears travel further down his cheeks. He had lost her. Not once. But, twice. Though, she's happy now. She's with him. In a universe where they can truly be together. Forever.

Then why does his chest ache with a hollow emptiness that only she can fill?

He had never once remembered being envious of himself before. Not even of his past forms and their different graces. But, none of his past selves had unintentionally stolen what was most precious to him.

His comfort. His reason to continue. His love.

Hell, he could even go so far as to say 'his reason to live'.

But, she wouldn't want him thinking in that direction, mostly because of the opposite. She is no longer here, so that means, 'no more reason to live.' Though, he did not believe he would ever commit to something so drastic.

_She is happy now. Quit being selfish. _

Oh, but it was difficult not imagining how it would be like if the minds would have been switched and he was the human form destined to be with her every day of forever. It was hard. And, it was torture.

He saw it as it was, but he could not find a way to stop himself from drowning in his own depression.

Staring off at a blank space in the TARDIS wall, he reminisced of all the amazing times they shared. The laughs and the hugs and the muck. Every memory so brilliantly perfect, no matter the danger or impending doom. Because, she always came back to him in the end.

But, no more.

He shut his eyes tightly, willing the memories to leave, wanting peace in his own cavern of a brain. But, to no avail, they came back stronger, fiercer and with a vengeance.

A pitiful whimper escaped his lips as he fell to his knees on his bedroom floor.

"So… so alone…" he whispered to himself as he grasped his head, holding back the urge to rock back and forth.

The image of Martha walking off with Jack flashed.

Sarah Jane running off to be with her beloved son.

The tear stained face of his lovely Donna Noble who will never again remember how spectacular she is.

Hell, even Micky ran off and away from him.

No one left. No one left for me.

Rose's face burned into the recesses of his mind.

He could no longer hold up the dam against his emotions. All barriers completely knocked down and washed away with his tears, guilt and longing for all the dear friends that he lost. But, mostly for his constant. His savior. His only. All that could be heard of The Doctor that night were the almost silent sobs ringing against the cold walls of the TARDIS and a solid, unwavering statement.

"I love you, Rose Tyler… Until the end of forever."


End file.
